I know them are some strong words!! I just hate how it takes over me and I succumb to the grasp of procrastination 😖 One would think that it shouldn’t be able to become free of its own since we are in control of ourselves… but, oh, how that is not the case whatsoever! 

If we don’t have the discipline/will power, the procrastination grasp can be as strong as iron 😭 

So far, after reading and listening to various books on motivation and the like, I’ve come to the point to understand that in order for me to not fall into the procrastination hole for hours is to stop IMMEDIATELY what I’m doing and consciously ask myself what is the ONE thing that needs to be completed RIGHT NOW! And 9 times out of 10, I’m successful 😁👏 It’s not perfect, but I’m okay w/ that–most things in life aren’t perfect, as long as I can do awesome most of the time, I’m happy 😊 

Sometimes, when I do the sudden stop and prioritize, I feel like it’s a mental slap 😂 Hey, whatever works! Haha! 

What’s funny about all this is that, when I don’t procrastinate, my day is almost 💯 times better! And when I do procrastinate, most of my day is kinda poopy 😣 With that said, again, I would think it would be much easier to NOT procrastinate since it causes good feelings. So, is it because it’s easier to procrastinate but the down side is that I feel like crap at the end? *SMH* So annoying! 

Who else has this problem? Share your tips! I can use all that I can get 😳😑

Frustrations, Rant

RANT: Whining

Dropped off my child at school today and she started whining about something… The sound of somebody whining, child or adult, immediately triggers an irritated, annoyed response from me–0 to 60 in less than 5 seconds. 

When I was younger, I don’t recall having this kind of reaction. I think a case of Pavlov’s Dog got the best of me–through the years (and still going) of having to deal with my daughter’s father (my ex) consistently blaming (not just me, but others in general), not taking responsibility, and making excuses. So, now, whenever I hear anybody (man, child, animal 😛 ) whine or make excuses for their situation, I immediately think of weakness and of the ex. 

That brings me to another thought… Age, by no means, signify a certain amount of wisdom and/or common sense. The ex is approximately 10 years older than I, and still behaves the way he does! Meaning, he still won’t take responsibility for his own life situation! When we get into a spat, almost everything that’s going wrong in his life comes down to something that I did to him. That’s a joke in itself! If that were the case and I had that much power over him, trust me, I wouldn’t waste it on making his life hard (through his eyes) but I would make him make my life easier as co-parents, haha! 

Sometimes, thinking of the years ahead that I’ll have to deal with him, makes me so angry!! But nobody brought that on other than myself–I’M the one that chose to date him and I’M the one that chose to have a child with him. But I suppose that’s just the price I have to pay for having a near-perfect child. 


Dreams, Frustrations, Life

PHAMExpo with Miss Judy

Today was a fun day–got to hang out w/ Judy buying makeup… can’t go wrong w/ that at all!! The day was definitely less crowded than how I thought it would be. Some ways, it was good but in others, not so much. It’s nice that I didn’t feel like a sardine in a can with so many people pushing around or trying to get around, but since this was the first year for PHAME, there weren’t many booths… nothing like IMATS. It’s like two extremes o_O But, overall, I had a good day with an awesome friend!!

Got some things to build my makeup kit. Nothing too extreme but to get started! I am having so much friggin fun playing with makeup–it truly brings me happiness and joy!! YAY!!! And it’s thanks to Judy because I don’t think I may have gotten the courage to sign up for classes if it weren’t for her! She’s the force that helped me make that one step forward… towards the direction of a better life =D This proves how priceless friends are and how meaningless $$ can be when it comes to growth of the soul =) I know, getting philosophical =) Can’t help it, sometimes, it just comes over me.

Every day, I so badly want to take that step outside of my comfort circle so that I can start living where the magic is! But friggin fear has to take over! Why?? Oh, why??? (I know, dramatics… sometimes it’s just called for, haha!) I want to kick fear in the butt… actually, make that the face! Even more so that I am fearful of something, that only means I SHOULD DEFINITELY do it!! Like, skydiving! Don’t think too much about it, and just jump (or fall if you’re talking about skydiving).


I need to jump already!!!! Argh!!!!

Dreams, Frustrations, Lessons, Life, Realizations

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.


Ladies and gents… this is something I need to take up and have it ingrained into my being so that I don’t just end up doing absolutely nothin’ when I’m trying to weigh the pros and cons of a situation where a decision needs to be made. I’m going to make it a point to practice this behavior–practice makes habits! And I’m all for incorporating better habits these days and for the future! I’m tired of living a half-ass life! I WANT A FULL AND EXCITING, WORTHWHILE LIFE!! Something I can look back on and feel good and proud knowing that I tried this or that instead of regretting that I stood on the sidelines and did nothing at all… where’s the fun in that?? Life can already be challenging on its on at times, why not incorporate fun and excitement in between or while we’re going through some crap?? In the end, we’re all going to die anyways, no matter what decisions we make or don’t make… we will all wind up dead at some point. With that in the forefront of my brain, I want to venture out of my boundaries and comfort zone! I want to grab life and its circumstances by its chubby cheeks and glare into its eyes with great intensity… AARGH! Hahaha… sigh… but for realz, though… I want to do what I want to do, not what is expected of me by you, him, her, or them!! I want to just be me and not be afraid of anything or anybody… I want to be bare, open, and vulnerable…

This is my vow… I’m taking the next step, no matter what and no matter how tiny… I’m a-going… you going to come along? 

Frustrations, Lessons, Life, Realizations

Life isn’t Suppose to be Fair

Okay, so, since my last post, things didn’t turn out as I had hoped it would =/ TOTAL FAIL!! But (!!) better late than never…

Check out my previous post, 45 Life Lessons, Written by a 90-year-old, to get a gist of what I’ll be spewing out here and the following 44 posts (seems so daunting… zoinks!).


1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

There’s been many a-time when I feel like life isn’t fair, such as…. maybe the couple who tries so hard to have a child and cannot and has every means to do so, but for whatever reason, nature doesn’t give in to these deserving parents and will let that druggie give birth to a heroin addicted infant; or when a student works two or three jobs to pay their way through college to gain a better and brighter future while there are the so-called ‘students’ (aka brats) who waste time partying and not take advantage of the funds readily available to them to better themselves. I mean, really!!! WHAT THE HECK??? What kind of world is this??? Really??? REALLY??? 

It frustrates me to no end!!…. But at the end of the day, when I’ve counted to ten while focusing on my breath a hundred and one times over, one comes to the realization that nobody ever said that life is suppose to be fair… and, anyways, ‘fair’ is boring =P

What I’m trying to say is that if we didn’t have those less-than-great moments, could we ever really appreciate and value the times when things are going well?

Nothing is permanent… as much as the good times don’t continuously roll, neither does the bad times… thank goodness! So, APPRECIATE THAT!!

And, yes, there will be those who are better off than us… but then there will always be those who are less fortunate than us… the latter looks upon us wishing they could be where we are NOW! Go gnaw on that for a second!

So, appreciate what you have and where you’re at cause good or bad, it ain’t gonna last and it could be worse. Remember, if it weren’t for the hard times, when would we ever feel a sense of accomplishment knowing that we pulled through a challenging time or reached a goal we set out for ourselves?? 

Take a moment and look around you……. and think of how it could be worse……. feelin’ a little better? If not <shrug>, well, then I don’t got nothin’ else to say to ya cause you’re just a hopeless case–just wanting to remain in your self-inflicted misery! Now, scram! GIT!! We don’t want your miserable kind here! I don’t know about anybody else, but I don’t have time, energy, nor the patience for toxic and lazy people in my life (I rank pretty high up there in procrastinating on my own, I don’t need anybody else to encourage that terrible habit any further for me).

Crap will continue to happen to everybody at some point or another so you might as well face it straight on and move along your merry little way rather than trying to resist the circumstances–just accept it and go about making sh*t better! And while you’re off fighting your demons and the Green Goblin, make it a point not to cause harm or pain to anybody you come in contact with… spread love, not hate… I know, super cheesy; and I’m not one to normally preach love and stuff but sometimes… that kinda sh*t’s just gotta be said and put out there. 

So, now… go on w/ your bad self and SMILE AT SOMEBODY cause life can sometimes suck on its own already, you don’t need to be adding to the sucky-ness =)

Frustrations, Lessons, Life

Tigers and Sheep

Today, I came across the above… the statement is so simply put… but, oh, boy… it does have a big meaning behind it. How often I allow the little annoyances of “sheep” bother me and get me worked up into a huffy mess… WTH?? And here I thought I was higher on the totem pole.

Those that we give power to affect us negatively don’t deserve the attention or energy we give them. Why do we hand them exactly what they want on a silver platter? I’ve heard many times over that what’s worse than hate is indifference–at that point, you just really don’t care, it doesn’t bother you from one side or another… literally, you couldn’t care any less cause you already there!

I want o possess the power to give no mind to those who want to act out of foolishness! Why give ANY attention to those who are in that sorry state of mind?? Why even bother?? I’d like to think that I am on a higher level/plane than they are. I want to rise above them. I want to be better than them. I want to move above and beyond them. I want to spend my time and energy on things that will propel me forward in life, not hold me down and keep me still. Those that are stuck wants to keep you stuck with them. When will they learn to learn from those that have succeed before them?? Why remain on the same level when we have the option to transcend to heights we imagine?? Is it from pure laziness? They just want things handed to them?? You kiddin’ me?? Life don’t work like that, yo… nothing worthwhile, that is! What comes along w/ hard work is not only the result of reaching our goal but the sense of knowing we traveled a path and journeyed through obstacles and challenges and we came out on top!! Sigh… get me out of the fields of sheep, please; and point me to the direction of where the tigers run.