Frustrations, Rant

RANT: Whining



Dropped off my child at school today and she started whining about something… The sound of somebody whining, child or adult, immediately triggers an irritated, annoyed response from me–0 to 60 in less than 5 seconds. 

When I was younger, I don’t recall having this kind of reaction. I think a case of Pavlov’s Dog got the best of me–through the years (and still going) of having to deal with my daughter’s father (my ex) consistently blaming (not just me, but others in general), not taking responsibility, and making excuses. So, now, whenever I hear anybody (man, child, animal 😛 ) whine or make excuses for their situation, I immediately think of weakness and of the ex. 

That brings me to another thought… Age, by no means, signify a certain amount of wisdom and/or common sense. The ex is approximately 10 years older than I, and still behaves the way he does! Meaning, he still won’t take responsibility for his own life situation! When we get into a spat, almost everything that’s going wrong in his life comes down to something that I did to him. That’s a joke in itself! If that were the case and I had that much power over him, trust me, I wouldn’t waste it on making his life hard (through his eyes) but I would make him make my life easier as co-parents, haha! 

Sometimes, thinking of the years ahead that I’ll have to deal with him, makes me so angry!! But nobody brought that on other than myself–I’M the one that chose to date him and I’M the one that chose to have a child with him. But I suppose that’s just the price I have to pay for having a near-perfect child. 

#ThatsLife

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11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

Numero 11 of my “Words of a Wise Person” series…

I know plenty a-time when my past screwed me over in my present… booooooo! What comes to mind right now is the now famous Frozen song… you know which one I’m talking about! Why do we torture ourselves and hold on to what hurts us?? We should definitely learn from our past, get the lesson, and “let it go!”

But, nooooo… we got to hold on to what hurt us (or who). As adults, believe it or not, we have the ability to CHOOSE what we do now! We may have been wronged in some way in the past, but who really wants to use the past as a crutch as to why we’re flawed today? Really? Just typing that out now, it sounds so silly in my head that I’m going to say I’m messed up in such and such way because of what happened to me twenty years ago. I understand that some people go through harsh things that I’ve only seen in the movies or read in books, but if one doesn’t have the strength to find a better path, why not seek help?

I certainly want to be better… don’t you? I want to be free of past hurt… don’t you? I want to live freely in the present… don’t you? I want to look ahead and see infinite possibilities instead of trying to go forward but looking in the rear-view mirror… don’t you?

Moving forward, I want to move forward and look in front. Once I gain the insight/lesson of what has happened, I want to “let it go.” Time doesn’t stop, I want to live for now and not looking back and regretting and questioning the what-ifs. I don’t want to waste any more time in the past when I can enjoy the present! 🙂

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10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile

If you haven’t already been following along… this is post #10 for my“Words of an Old Person” series…

Some of the bad things we do to ourselves can actually turn out to be good things. Life doesn’t always have to be as strict as we make it–there’s not only black and white, there’s gray. And sometimes, it’s in the gray where all the fun is! Yes, rules must be followed and some are a MUST (ie can’t just decide you want to drive on the wrong side of the road just because you feel like it, or committing an act that is harmful to another or to oneself) but some should definitely be broken. It’s the breaking of the “rule” that brings a thrill for just that little bit… a little excitement never killed anybody!

Of course, there’s no need to get extreme and eat 5 lbs of chocolate in one sitting… but a few bites ain’t gonna hurt ya!

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Health/Fitness

Energized Pre-Workout

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finally remembered to take 1 of these GNC Energizing Lean Chew the other day before hitting the gym… I think it helped with getting me more motivated and increased my efficiency on the gym floor. I say “I think” because sometimes I feel like it works because my mind says it suppose to–a placebo effect. Actually, it must have worked because a couple days later, I experimented by trying 2 instead of just 1, and that gave me a bit of the jitters–I really dislike that feeling… won’t be doing that again! So, maybe it was really helping and not just a placebo effect 🙂

I am trying to get off artificial caffeine, though. After watching the documentary, Hungry for a Change, I’m trying to limit the man-made chemicals that I ingest. (Definitely check that out if you can–Eli and I watched it on Amazon Prime.) At some point, I’m sure I’ll be writing about that documentary again 🙂

So, I’ll be utilizing these chews till they’re gone. Most likely, I probably won’t be buying them again but we’ll see (as of now, I’m only limiting (not eliminating) my intake of refined sugars, artificial sweeteners, and other man-made food products–figure if I can’t complete remove it from my eating habits, I can at least lower the consumption of them… better than nada! 🙂

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9. Save for things that matter

If you haven’t already been following along… this is post #9 for my“Words of an Old Person” series…

About 6 months ago, Eli (my fiance) and I bought a condo… yay (!!), that goal accomplished! If you’re familiar with having to pack and move, then you must have become aware to all the  junk you’ve accumulated.

I’ve been apartment living for the past 8 years-ish and I never feel like I’ve ever truly unpacked–I always have at least 2 or 3 boxes that I never unpack because I don’t want to have to pack it up again since I inevitably move (since it is only temporary housing). What’s ridiculous is that I keep toting these same boxes around and they have traveled with me… um… yes, I think it’s time to part ways…

During each move (4 within the last 6 years o_O ), I get rid of so much stuff that sometimes I forgot I had or because it’s not useful to me any longer. This last move really did me in–impacted my perception of physical possessions–I don’t need 70% of what I own!! It went from being “my stuff” to “what the heck is all this junk??”

And… that’s when I came across the minimalist lifestyle–I’m not an extremist but I definitely am going to pick up a lot of their habits! 😀 This can be its own post in of itself… will get to that at a later date 🙂

Back to what I was saying…

As I was getting rid of a lot of my junk material possessions, I began seeing each item as money that I could have saved and used it towards something so much more meaningful–a good percentage of what I was getting rid of was hardly used, if at all :/ … I was nothing less than annoyed, irked, frustrated at myself for getting caught up in all this consumerism . (Sigh)… Oh, well… lesson learned… and this lesson better stick to me like cement because this has become a pretty pricey lesson… have to gain something out of it!!

And being human as I am, I try not to get caught up in my thoughts, but I imagine all the $$ I could have saved and image the trips we could go on as a family…

Tropical Paradise

~~or~~

 ~~or~~

Greece

 Pfffft!!! Even this (for my daughter)…

Disney Cruise.. Sophia would be able to enjoy this the most 🙂

Okay… (smh) that’s it!!!  After seeing these pics, I’m getting more motivated on my goal and definitely minimizing my spending as to gain experiences and memories instead… not to mention the feeling of freedom–less spending = less bills!!!

I’m more aware now than ever how spending bits here and there can have the biggest impact in the grand scheme of things… and I, for one, am tired of being an owner to meaningless things! I DON’T WANT THAT LIFE ANYMORE!!! I want to be free from material possessions! Just the minimum will do 🙂

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8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

If you haven’t already been following along… this is post #8 for my “Words of an Old Person” series…

First off, let’s get something clear and out of the way… I do not believe in “God” in terms of a person that I worship and/or think that will decide to me what happens to me in life or in the after-life. To me, “God” is just a higher power/energy that surrounds all of us… not bad, not good… just is. And we’re the ones that categorize/perceive a situation as positive or negative.

When I read the comment that this post is based on, I get annoyed… Why are we taught to be fearful of “God”? Why would you want to instill fear in people? Trust me, people can instill fears onto themselves without the assistance of anybody else. Is manipulating fear into family, friends, or strangers an act of good (as seen by God and Jesus)? Shouldn’t the main goal of religion be to be the best version of yourself? So, instead of reminding others what they should fear, shouldn’t we comfort and support them that fear can be overcome?

I did a search on Google and this is the top image presented… really??? I mean, seriously (!!)… REALLY??? How funny that the very first image I come upon is a depiction of how powerful “God” is with the lightening to emphasize a sense of terror… even the quote that’s given… REALLY??? (SMH…) 

All I’m really trying to convey is that we don’t need to have a “God.” We are good enough! And it is up to us to determine in which direction our lives will lead to. It is through our actions that will determine the opportunities we will take advantage of or we will miss. There is nobody that is as powerful to ourselves other than ourselves! And if there is, that’s because you chose to give up your power and let somebody else have control. By choosing to being powerless, that doesn’t give you the right to victimize yourself because of the environment you chose to put yourself in–even if you give others power to control you, you are still choosing to be in that role. Granted, there are bad things that happen that is absolutely out of our control (ie being a victim to somebody’s act of crime); but aside from that, we choose if we will continue on the path we are on–good or bad (if you’re unhappy, it’s up to the you to change that).

In the end, you’re your own God with all the power in the world to decide how your path will go and in which direction.

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7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

For newcomers, this post is part of a series that I’m doing. Please refer to my earlier post “Words of an Old Person.”

I must inform you… I am not a cryer… if anything, I try not to cry… I grew up w/ the notion that crying is weak, as I’m sure many millions of others out there can relate. It was an embarrassing act… why? Maybe because it showed that I was “weak” or that something/someone hurt me… that I gave it/them the power to hurt me. To this day, I try to tell myself that crying is actually an act of empowerment–that I’m okay w/ being vulnerable, that it isn’t “weakness.” But whenever I tell that to myself, I feel like I’m just lying and trying to sugar coat it. Trying to make it “okay” for me to cry… but it just never feels right.

So, kids… for today’s words, I can’t really absorb or understand it. Maybe I will in the future…? But, at this moment, I can’t imagine how I can feel the healing powers of crying w/ another if I’m embarrassed to cry by myself.

Another thing… when I cry, I feel like I’ve lost control over myself and my body is just going into overdrive… I don’t like that feeling. I don’t like feeling as though my emotions are controlling me! It should always be me controlling my emotions. Cause I know the mess that emotions can get me into–I’m mainly thinking of anger. Anger will have people doing and saying nasty things that will most likely be regrettable later. I will feel the heat of anger take over my insides, I get scared… cause I know I might not be able to control my actions and words if I don’t get a grip on it immediately, before it snowballs. Come to think of it, even being overly infatuated (that’s an emotion, right?) with another person can have it’s consequences. In either case, whether the emotion is “positive” or “negative,” it has its consequences. I’d rather have them both in check and know that the decisions I’m making are based on logic rather than that of “feelings.”

Anyhow… back to crying…

In recent years, I wonder by me preventing a crying moment to emerge, do I hinder the full release of other emotions as well? I know that sometimes I don’t show as much emotion (ie happiness, cheeriness) as I’d like to… what ends up coming out is something that’s mediocre when I actually want to clap my hands and squeal a little and possibly a little jump accompanied by a “yay!”

If any of y’all of any comments on crying, I’d really like to hear them… this is still an uncomfortable topic for me and I’m in my 30s… does anybody else feel like this?

Please let me know… I’m really interested on others’ stance on this…

Good night…

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